CSTAR

Seven hours after waking up, and things are a whole lot different. We human beings are incredibly powerful. Seven hours ago felt like I had already died. I wanted to give up. I woke feeling like I had just gotten a steady ass-kicking for the previous 5 hours (pretty accurate actually). After that, I got enough pain killers to make me unconscious if I didn’t have a sufficient amount of pain to cut through the haze of narcotics to keep me awake. It was an awful equilibrium = feel enough pain to make you see colors or feel so high that you are hardly in control of your own thoughts (and see colors!). Pain-free is not happiness. Being high is not a positive state of mind. Nothing feels better than victory, victory despite adversity. Actually: victory because of adversity. You can’t overcome anything that doesn’t hold you down and beat the hell out of you.
SO, I am super high right now, but the drugs have mostly worn off, and I am in pain. How powerful it is to be in pain but know it is better now than it used to be, therefore you are guaranteed to win! The horizon is within reach, and I am high on victory. This is a tremendous experience.
I know I sound ridiculously dramatic, and I promise to laugh at myself when I read this later, but I hope a bit of what I am feeling can be gained from words on a page. Thanks for continuing to read.