There has been no evidence of tumor growth since the resection surgery on 30SEP. That’s good news.
Other news is more disconcerting. Upon further review of the scans showing the extent of perineural tumor spread (which existed before surgery), Dr. Thornton no longer believes it is reasonable to expect me to be cured from this treatment. Our goal is to reduce the amount of tumor to a manageable amount. I’m not sure what a manageable amount is, but I suspect it will be whatever I have when this is over with. (Ha, that’s a treatment joke)
The point is, we should expect that this treatment, while representing the forefront of radiation technology, will not be effective at removing all tumor from my head. Our mission is to nuke as much as possible with proton radiation, and then wait until scientific research catches up with my condition. It’s an incredibly exciting race. Go science!
Dr. Thornton believes my form of cancer is very persistent (indeed), and very slow growing. Research declares that this type of tumor recurs at an 80% rate at ten years, and a 4% rate after twenty years. Therefore, I may have a 76% chance to go 10-20 years before it recurs. ***Please note these statistics are accurate +/- 100% (the whole damn thing)***.
Dr. Pelzer continues to remind me that statistics fail in the face of real life. I will neither live nor die by statistics, rather, I exist in unconditional defiance of them. Fickle as tea leaves; they are irrelevant, whether in my favor or not.
This news is not as grave as it seems at first. I’ve already been declared “cured” once, and that word has a much less compelling meaning in my current state of mind. Therefore, if the medical community were to declare me “cured” after this treatment (again), I would probably hold off on the victory parade and special remission dance for about 10 to 20 years anyway. So, this news has an effective delta of zero. I will have to keep this fight up for the rest of my life, whenever that outcome manifests itself.
Here we stand. Life is exciting, more so when threatened. Our back is to the surging tide. There is no room for fancy maneuver. This fight will be arduous, violent, and uncomplicated. The path seems formidable, but we are strong; capable; and most importantly, stubbornly determined.
The only victory in a mortal existence is to fight again tomorrow. I won today.
After every victory you have more enemies. In this case, each day that goes by we are all one day closer to our last. The outcome of our lives is not to be won or lost, but each day considered one of a series of successes.
Every sunrise is yesterday’s honorable trophy. Win the battle of today!
Well, for those who say a positive outlook is everything, you have won the race just with that. We stand behind you ready to fight whenever you need us. We may even shw up at the door in Bloomington just becuse.
We love you
Tim & Sandy
(A-team too)
Comment by Anonymous — December 12, 2008 @ 13:20
Keep up the good fight and remember that they don't call it "medical practice" for nuttin! You're right on the money with your assesment and attitude. The greatest Dr. I dealt with never told me what I couldn't do after my surgery or let me limit my potential. Went last spring skiing on a bad peg 5 years later…..! Make good decisions with what is available today and tommorrow will be here soon enough!
Between my bad leg and your eye we'd make a good pirate! We are praying for you everyday!
Dan & Jill
Comment by Anonymous — December 12, 2008 @ 20:06
I always thought that a beautiful sunrise is my gift for the day but I like the rethinking, it's my gift for how I lived yesterday, hmmm. I want many yesterdays, todays and tomorrows for all of us with many brillant sunrises. I want many gifts amd I am anxious to see if we get them. You are such an inspiration to all of us. Thank you.
Sounds like Bloomington, Ind. will become a destination vacation place for many of us. So get the coffee pot on and I'll bring the cookies of your choice. Much Love, Mom
Comment by Anonymous — December 12, 2008 @ 23:11
Go get 'em Eddie
Thinking of you and your fam from afar.
Monique
Comment by Anonymous — December 13, 2008 @ 08:19
Thanks everyone. Hope this post wasnt depressing, because I am certainly not depressed. I just have a new understanding/perspective of life.
Comment by Eddy — December 13, 2008 @ 08:39
Eddy, there are three kinds of lies:
1) lies
2) damn lies
3) statistics
You are always in our thoughts and although the terms and fruits of victory have changed it is still a victory. The most miniscule piece of ground gained is still forward. I have never been to Bloomington this time of year but hear it is quite lovely. See you next weekend.
INS
Comment by chris — December 14, 2008 @ 15:55