Well, I’m home now and feeling just fine. Once again, I find myself sleeping as much as possible so I can get back on my feet as soon as possible. I wanted to post some of these pictures from the hospital, but I forgot my card reader. Here you go, read the captions for an explanation:
This one is right after surgery. You can see the drain balloon thing on my shoulder. It’s connected with a plastic tube inserted into my head. This lets the fluid that would cause swelling and pressure on my brain drain into the balloon instead. It has to be drained a few times a day. The fluid is also monitored to make sure it doesn’t contain any brain fluid, which is bad.
This is me roughing it in the hospital. I found many cool cars for sale which I am not going to buy. I also have been emailing another cancer survivor named Matthew who has become my inspiration for when I am feeling weak.
We are strong!
My new zipperhead. You can also see the drain tube coming out. The staples will be taken out on Monday to minimize scarring. They will be replaced with dermabond, which is superglue for skin.
The dynamic duo, hard at work once again.
Seven hours after waking up, and things are a whole lot different. We human beings are incredibly powerful. Seven hours ago felt like I had already died. I wanted to give up. I woke feeling like I had just gotten a steady ass-kicking for the previous 5 hours (pretty accurate actually). After that, I got enough pain killers to make me unconscious if I didn’t have a sufficient amount of pain to cut through the haze of narcotics to keep me awake. It was an awful equilibrium = feel enough pain to make you see colors or feel so high that you are hardly in control of your own thoughts (and see colors!). Pain-free is not happiness. Being high is not a positive state of mind. Nothing feels better than victory, victory despite adversity. Actually: victory because of adversity. You can’t overcome anything that doesn’t hold you down and beat the hell out of you.
SO, I am super high right now, but the drugs have mostly worn off, and I am in pain. How powerful it is to be in pain but know it is better now than it used to be, therefore you are guaranteed to win! The horizon is within reach, and I am high on victory. This is a tremendous experience.
I know I sound ridiculously dramatic, and I promise to laugh at myself when I read this later, but I hope a bit of what I am feeling can be gained from words on a page. Thanks for continuing to read.
